Keeping it going
Stop conversations dying after two lines: react to what you hear, echo the key word, and ask an open follow-up question.
Tom: I went to Istanbul last month.
Sara: Oh really? How was it?
Tom: Amazing. The food was incredible.
Sara: The food? What did you try?
Tom: Everything! But I got sick on the last day.
Sara: Oh no, that sounds awful. Are you OK now?Sara says very little about herself, yet Tom feels she is a great person to talk to. Every one of her lines is a reaction plus a question.Look at line 4: she simply repeats "The food?" and Tom keeps talking.
React, echo, ask
- React
Show a feeling in two or three words: "Oh really?", "That's great!", "Oh no!", "No way!" This tells them you are listening.
- Echo
Repeat their key word as a question: "Istanbul?", "The food?" It needs no grammar, it buys you thinking time, and it invites them to say more.
- Ask
Add one open question that starts with what, how or why: "How was it?", "What did you try?" You don't need all three moves every time. Any one of them is better than "Oh."
Check yourself
At lunch, a coworker tells Omid, "I just started learning the guitar." Which reply keeps the conversation alive?
- OK, good luck.
- Oh really? What made you start?
- Yes, guitar is an instrument.
- I can't play any instrument. I have no talent for music.
Show the answer
Oh really? What made you start?
Yes: a reaction plus an open question. Now the coworker has a story to tell.
That sounds… /ðæt saʊndz/
From what you tell me, it seems… (add a feeling word: great, fun, awful, stressful)
I have three exams this week. — That sounds stressful!
-ing for the thing, -ed for the person
The thing that causes the feeling is -ing: the film is boring, the trip sounds exciting. The person who has the feeling is -ed: I'm bored, she's excited. Mixing them up is one of the most common slips, and "I'm boring" means "I am a boring person".
- That sounds interesting. / I'm interested.
- The meeting was boring. I was so bored.
- I'm boring in this class.
Check yourself
Your friend tells you some news. Which kind of news does each reaction fit?
- That's great!
- Oh no, I'm sorry to hear that.
- No way!
- That sounds awful.
- Congratulations!
- Seriously?
Show the answer
Good news: That's great!, Congratulations!
Bad news: Oh no, I'm sorry to hear that., That sounds awful.
Surprising news: No way!, Seriously?
THE ECHO
Repeat the key word, with your voice going up
Pick the most interesting word you heard and say it back as a question. Your voice must rise at the end. "I work in Dubai." → "In Dubai?" A rising "Oh really?" shows interest. The same words said flat, with the voice going down, can sound bored or even doubtful.
"I have four brothers." → "Four?" → "Yeah, and I'm the youngest…" One word from you, a whole new sentence from them.
Check yourself
A friend shares some news with Negar. Choose her reaction.
A: My sister just had a baby! B: Oh, ____ ! Is it a boy or a girl?
Show the answer
congratulations
Closed questions and open questions
Closed
"Did you like it?" "Is it far?" The answer is yes or no, and then it's your turn again. Three of these in a row feels like a police interview.
Open
"What did you like about it?" "How was the trip?" "What's it like?" The answer is a sentence or a story, so the other person does the talking while you listen.
How did you get into that?
How did you first become interested in it?
- How in what way
- did you marks a past question
- get into start being interested in (remember "I'm into…" from lesson 2)
- that the hobby or job they just mentioned
Check yourself
Your friend has moved to a new apartment. Ask her to describe it. Your question should end with "like".
Show the answer
What is it like
Right. "What's it like?" asks for a description, and it works for places, jobs, people and food.
Check yourself
Negar's coworker arrives and says, "I'm so tired. My flight was delayed six hours." What is the best reply?
- Oh no, six hours? Did you sleep at all?
- That's interesting.
- Congratulations!
- Yes, flights are delayed sometimes.
Show the answer
Oh no, six hours? Did you sleep at all?
That's all three moves in one line: a reaction, an echo and a question.
Lesson recap
- Three moves keep a chat alive: react ("Oh really?"), echo ("In Dubai?"), ask ("How was it?").
- "That sounds + adjective" reacts to anything you have only heard about.
- The thing is -ing, the person is -ed: "It's boring", "I'm bored".
- Open questions (what, how, why) get stories. "What's it like?", never "How is it like?"
- Share a little yourself: "Me too", "Me neither", "Same here".